Dear Will

Today, you would be 30 years old. Your nieces are 6, 3, and 1 month old. Only Lili has ever met you, and she remembers you from pictures she has seen. She asks about you sometimes, not in a spiritual way or anything, but she just sometimes wonders if you would be proud of certain things she’s done. Things like riding a proper bike around the neighbourhood, or climbing all the way to the top of the jungle gym. I told her that you definitely would be because i know that you would if you could see her do it.

I remember the only time you two met and how totally enamoured with you she was. It was like she felt that you were someone important but was too shy to speak to you. it was very cute. I sometimes think that you two should have spent more time together, or i wish there was more i could do to make you two feel closer.  But I appreciate the memory of the two of you sitting together, both a little too nervous to say hi.

I’ll never forget that night or any other night when i just think about how you would’ve felt about something, or if you’d watch the marvel movies, or if you’d walk me through how to take the chain off my bike.  It’s all the small defeats that happen in my life that make me think of you and how easily you would let things go, and it’s all the small victories that make me think that you would secretly be proud of me. Like how you were proud of Lili, and how you would be proud of Poet and Holly too.

Happy Birthday.